On happiness and personal development

Written on March 10^th, 2007
I’ve just arrived home today only to find (to realize, actually) that I was feeling something that I haven’t felt in a while: I was happy. But not that kind of happiness that lasts for half an hour because I then realize that whatever-something got wrong or that I have to do some-stuff for which I don’t have time and so on. I’m talking about that happiness that is pure; that, it seems, will last forever; that one which I can feel with the whole of my body.

Then, as I was actually enjoying myself, the inevitable question appeared: “Why?” Why am I happy? Before I could get the chance of answering that question to myself, I spoke over the phone with my dearest. I love it when I say stuff that I haven’t thought of properly beforehand. I love it because it helps me realize just what it is that I’m feeling. And then I can use this knowledge. This is exactly what happened now.

I am happy because I have the feeling that I’m moving ahead; ahead in my life and ahead in my dreams. I wrote something earlier today… It was a sort of definition, although I’m not sure if anyone said it before or I just made it up. It goes like this: self realization = a state of mind defined by constant happiness and satisfaction that acts as a basis for healthy, continuous personal development.

The way I see it now, it was an anticipation of my current state of mind. And I can say, now, that I am in this state of mind, as described, for, although I did not meet my dreams or my lifelong goals yet, I am feeling the growth, the clear steps that I’m taking in that direction. And that gives me this state of mind.

Food for thought: Option “a”: Your instincts are always right and, thus, trustworthy. It’s only a matter of how much credit you give them. Option “b”: Only after your instincts prove themselves to you, you can really trust them. Which of these options is correct?

The madness of a moment

Written on March 7, 2007
How much feeling fits into a moment? How much thought can fit into a moment? How much passion, lust, desire? But, then again, how much love, or hate, or indifference? Actually, what is the power of now?

On Saturday and again today, I took two one-minute-decisions that involved, among others, leaving Bucharest. While one was pleasure-related and the other AIESEC-related, I couldn’t find things that were so different between the two decisions. In fact, the decision-making-process was almost identical: “Do I want to go?” “Yes”; “Can I afford it?” “No”; “Do I really, really want to go?” “Yes!” So I went… both times.

Those were two decisions that I took in a moment (like, oh… so many before in my life). And getting to them was a matter of answering the above-mentioned three questions, but also, it was a matter of filling that moment with feelings. Feelings poured upon me like snow in an avalanche. I couldn’t even identify them all; it was like one huge oriental salad or, better yet, like a huge, huge cocktail. And all that I was left feeling, was the combined effect that all of them had on me.
What is it that is so strong in a moment? What strange, hidden powers does it possess? A moment… It’s not even something that you can grasp so easily. It’s the present: the thing that becomes the past right even before you finish saying its name. It’s the thing that you’ll never catch, but that you will always have to use in order to make your life your own, and not let it pass along. It’s that almost-only theoretical concept that helps us, humans, separate the past from the future. Or, on the contrary, tie up the past and the future together. Yet it’s the only (the one and only) thing that we’ve got. The one and only thing that we can influence directly… And its power is immense.

It truly is, for a moment can bring you life, or can define your death; it can make you discover love, or lose it; it can fill you with panic for the rest of your life, or with endless joy. It can do so many things to you and you’ll never be able to grasp it as hard as you wish. You’ll always dissolve it into a cocktail with other moments, some of which are the past, others which are the future from that moment’s point of view.

Do you believe in love at first sight? I do (starting from now, I do even more than before). And I’ll tell you why: because I’ve just realized the greatness that a moment has. And I’m sure that I can’t grasp (not even now) all its power and greatness. Because, at the end of the day, that’s what we all are: the madness of a moment!

Food for thought: Would you be happy if you were to live just a moment longer than you should have (and know it)?