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I remember one late evening back when I was in high-school. I was with this girl, in Galati, talking… flirting. I remember myself saying something like “I’ve changed a lot of times throughout my life so far; and I’ve worked a lot to reach the point in which I am now. I love who I am now, also because of the energy I invested to get here, and I am not going to change… not for you, nor for anybody else!” I was that guy for quite a long period of time (relative to my “other selves”) and I even used that line with some other girls, some of them might even be reading these lines. I was that guy!
In more recent years, I remember another thing that I said quite a lot (you might have heard me if you were paying attention, but don’t be sad if you realize that you weren’t): “I hate happy endings!” Of course, I was always letting you think that I am only referring to Hollywood movies. I wasn’t! I even labeled myself as being “depressive” once in a while. Of course, I always protected you (whoever you are) by making it sound like a joke. I was only protecting you.
All these things, and more, come back to me now; the puzzle is clear. And, as Steve Jobs says in his Stanford speech in 2005, which I like very much, “you can only connect the dots looking backwards!” I hated happy endings because I always knew that there will be a happy ending at the end of the movie, so, when it was all over, I had lost something: I had lost a no-happy ending. So I was ok, it was ok for me because losing something made me feel good because I was depressive, and depressive personalities feel good when they lose or when they lack or even when they hurt.
I see all these now and quite some more, but I cannot write everything in here. I do see it and that is because of one reason. One! I was that guy up until around 20 minutes ago. I am not him anymore. Still, I am Vick and I know my identity, which has not change. But the way in which I’m doing things has. The way in which I need to feel in order to be happy has changed.
I told some of the people who were very close to me in the past week (do not read “only in the past week”) that I feel I am about to make a really big decision in my life, that I am close to a turning point. I thought, then, that it would be about me applying for this entry-level, HR, grossly overpaid job a friend of mine told me about, or continuing with my dream (plan) of starting my own business. I see now how wrong I was. The turning point (as it seems) was a lot more important than a job or a career, it was about me, my life, my personality, my whole being.
So this is it! Cheers for the new me! If you’re curious how I look now, I’m sure that you will find a way for us to spend some time together and you will have the chance to discover the changes for yourself. Until then, hugs and kisses!
Food for thought: can you go on living the same life as you were before when you realize that you are a different person?
